The true story of the Uchiha Masacre
by Corncracker
Summary: I wrote this running on vitrually no sleep for a while, so don't expect much. CrackFic, Antisasuke. Oneshot.


Here I come with Another Crack Fic. This is the true story behind the Uchiha Massacre and Orichimaru's obsession with Sasuke. Might suck since I wrote it with lack of much sleep.

"Itachi!" yelled Sasuke, "Teach me a new Jutsu!"

"Sorry, I'm busy," Itachi replied whole heartedly. He truly wanted to teach his little brother a Jutsu so he could grow into a strong Ninja, but he had an ANBU mission coming up.

"You're a liar! You don't love me!" Cried Sasuke as he ran away.

Sasuke ran into his father while crying like a little baby, "Daddy, Itachi won't teach me a new technique!"

"Well he has an improtan mission today, I can teach you if you like," his father smiled.

"No, You're a pussy, Itachi could floor you in an instant," sasuke said.

"You shouldn't talk to your father like that," he said enraged by the comment.

"Shut up you old decrpit fart, your pissed cause its true," Sasuke said and quickly Stuck his tounge out at his father and ran off leaving his father red and steaming.

Eventually Sasuke ran to his mother still crying, "Mommy, why is Itachi so much stronger than me?"

"Because he's naturally a great fighter and works had to obtain that power," smiled his mother.

"Why did you give him the good Genes? Did you become defective after him?" asked Sasuke.

His mother, not sure what to say, could only come out with, "Um..."

"So you are Defective you old bat!" screamed Sasuke, "I hate you!" and ran off Crying agian.

He ran through the forests of Kohona and Say that Itachi was about the strike his target from the tree, "Brotherbrotherbrotherbrother! I hate you for being stronger than dad and taking the Good Genes!" This alerted the target, Orichimaru, to the presence of another Ninja, so he fled away before Itachi could kill him.

"You Baka!" yelled Itachi, "if you hadn't come I would have killed Konoha's most dangerous S-Ranked Criminal ORichimaru!"

"I don't care, you're a stupid Gay Liar!" and Sasuke ran deeper into the forest.

He ran until a hand grabbed him, "I just wanted to thank you for..."

"It's a child Molester!" screamed Sasuke Kicking Orichimaru Square in the balls and running home.

Orichimaru finally got back up with a twisted look on his face. Itachi appeared before him, "I have a Proposition for you."

Sasuke finally arrived home to whine to mommy what had happened here. However it seemed his entire family was slaughtered and Itachi showed him all of the images with the Mangekyou Sharingan, showing him how they were all brutlaly slaughtered. Then he told Sasuke to hate him and despise him so one day he might be able to avenge his clan. Sasuke went on and did so, eventually joined with Orichimaru long after the Clan insident.

Three years after Joining ORichimaru they stormed Akatsuki and made it to Itachi. However Sasuke didn't excpect to see what he saw.

"What the hell is this?" Sasuke screamed as ORichimaru went over to Itachi. In hundred of chairs in an auditorium sat the entire Uchiha clan laughing at Sasuke standing on a large stage.

"I told you the look on his face would be priceless!" laughed Itachi, "That what you get for ruining my mission and calling me gay."

"Don't forget calling me a weak old fart," laughed his dad.

"And me defective," Chimed in the mother.

"So you made me put up with this freaks sexual gestures and advances towards me the past three years!"

"Hey, you kicked me in the nuts, I needed to get revenge somehow. So I purposely dropped the soap in the shower a couple times," said Orichimar.

"It was a one man shower, and I was in there first," yelled Sasuke, "And you showed me all of them dead!"

"Thats why I love the Mangekyou Sharingan, great for playing mind tricks. Using fake bodies is what convinced the rest of the village," smiled ITachi.

"Well, he's been punished enough. Lets go get some tea and crumpets," said Sasuke's dad as they all left for the Uchiha mansion, leaving Sasuke crying in the feedle position on the stage floor.

I'm up at 6 in the morning and havn't gotten to sleep yet, so cut me a little slack it sucks. Anyway, please R&R.


End file.
